


My clumsy heart

by ToBoldlyGeek



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Secret Relationship, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26140708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBoldlyGeek/pseuds/ToBoldlyGeek
Summary: In their second year at Hogwarts, two boys share a secret moment that changes the course of their lives.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	My clumsy heart

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place during Chamber of Secrets between "Writing on the Wall" and "The Rogue Bludger". 
> 
> It is the first chapter of what I imagine will be a big one! This is an idea I've been brewing for a while and I know where I want it to go, just want to get the first chapter out there so I can see if anyone is even interested in this idea!  
> The story will span quite a few years, focusing on how the event in this chapter changes the course of history and will include lots of pining etc, it will be canon-compliant to an extent.  
> 

It all started with a commotion at the end of the Slytherin table during breakfast. Harry couldn’t really tell what was going on until little Colin Creevey ran up to him, looking close to tears.

“Harry! Harry! Malfoy, and the Slytherins! My camera!” He was so panicked that he could barely form a sentence.

“Take a deep breath Colin, what’s happened?” Hermione said, a lot more patiently than Harry felt. Colin took a huge gulp of air.

“My camera, Malfoy and the Slytherins took my camera and they won’t give it back!” Harry looked over at the Slytherin table and saw that, yes, they did seem to be throwing something that looked like a camera back and forth like a quaffle. _Bloody hell._ It was an especially cruel prank, even by Malfoy standards.

Colin looked at him with huge eyes brimming with tears, “Will you get it back for me Harry?”

Harry looked at the other second-year Gryffindors and saw that they were all looking back at him expectantly, _Bloody HELL._ Even Hermione had turned to look at him with an encouraging smile. Harry wasn’t sure who had died and made him the Hogwarts anti-bullying officer, but it felt supremely unfair, he was the last person the Slytherins would do anything for, especially Malfoy. He looked over at the table again and saw the boy in question looking back at him with an extremely unattractive sneer on his face. _BLOODY HELL_. He had no choice he supposed.

He gave Colin what he hoped was a comforting pat on the shoulder, got up, and began walking towards the Slytherin table, feeling quite tempted to make a run for the door instead.

He stopped just in front of Crabbe, who was swinging the camera around wildly by its strap.

“Alright Crabbe, jokes over can I have that back now please?” Harry tried to keep his tone light, hoping this would be straightforward. The larger boy stopped swinging it but instead of giving it back, leant over to Malfoy and whispered something in his ear.

Malfoy snatched the camera out of Crabbe’s hands and stood up, a self-satisfied grin on his face.

“Awww Potter, are you worried we’ve damaged your new headshots?” He held up the camera and snapped a picture of Harry’s furious expression.

“Stop doing that, I just came over to get it back,” Harry snapped, trying to snatch it from Malfoy’s hands.

“Tsk tsk where’s the magic word Potter? Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” At that Harry almost throttled him but managed to hold himself back because he could feel the eyes of almost everyone in the hall on his back.

“Screw you,” He spat furiously. “At least my parents liked me.”

Malfoy’s eyebrows raised a bit at that and Harry was gratified to see his cheeks were going a bit pink.

“Well I was going to give you the camera back, but since you’ve decided to be rude I think I’ll hold onto it for a bit longer,” He smirked and turned to sit back down. Harry debated just hexing him and grabbing it but he could see McGonagall and Snape watching them closely.

“You’re a real git you know that Malfoy,” He hissed.

“The flattery never ends,” He turned slightly and cocked his head. “Look, if you really want it back, you can duel me for it.”

Harry wanted to punch him so badly but once again managed to control himself, “I would love to.”

Malfoy looked as though he hadn’t expected Harry to take him up on his offer but recovered quickly.

“Great,” He sneered. But just then Harry saw Snape advancing on them out of the corner of his eye and decided he’d better leg it back to the Gryffindor table before he lost any more points for his house. He gave Colin another apologetic pat on the shoulder, which made the small boy blush furiously and forget about his misery for a few moments. Harry did feel bad really, even though Colin was beyond annoying, he was just a kid, and Malfoy really was being a prize twat.

He spent the rest of breakfast trying to think of ways to get it back, and settled finally on sending Malfoy a note during afternoon Potions.

_Stop being a twat and give Colin the camera back._

Quite polite, Harry thought, considering how much he would have preferred to hex him. A few moments later the reply came on a new scrap of paper.

_I told you, duel me for it._

The handwriting was so elegant and delicate that Harry had to look up for a second and catch Malfoy’s eye to confirm that it was actually his. He considered his answer carefully. Did he actually want to duel Malfoy for Colin bloody Creevey’s bloody camera? Not really, but there was something about Malfoy’s supercilious smile that made Harry want to one-up him more than anything in the world. He scrawled his answer on the back of the same scrap and, when Snape looked away again, sent it sailing over.

_11.30 tonight. Third-floor boys bathroom. Come alone._

He was gratified to see Malfoy’s face go a little paler at that, but the other boy didn’t respond, he just tucked the note into his pocket and gave Harry a curt nod.

“You’re not really going to duel him are you Harry?” Hermione sounded a bit panicked as Harry relayed the notes to her and Ron. 

“He could take him, Hermione! All you’d need to do is insult his robes and the greasy git would probably have a cry,” Ron snickered at his own joke. “It won’t be a real duel anyway if it’s just the two of you.”

“That is not the point Ron and you know it, Malfoy might be the heir of Slytherin and Harry could be walking straight into a trap,” She lowered her voice, trying not to let any of the other Gryffindors overhear. Annoyingly she was right, it was almost definitely a trap, and if Malfoy was the heir of Slytherin, Harry might very well end up looking like Mrs. Norris by the end of the night. But he was still very tempted.

“What if I find out something important? Then maybe we wouldn’t have to use the polyjuice after all,” Harry knew he was pulling at straws a little here. 

“He probably won’t turn up anyway,” Ron added helpfully. “He’ll snitch to Filch like he did last year.”

“Exactly, and then you’ll be in huge trouble again,” Hermione said sternly. “You’re smarter than this Harry.”

The thing was though, Harry was pretty sure he wasn’t, which may have explained why he was slipping out of bed at 11.20pm.

This was such a bad idea. Harry’s shoulders were tense under the invisibility cloak as he made his way as silently as possible towards the third-floor boys' bathroom. It had only been a few days since the Mrs. Norris incident and so he felt justified in being a little bit anxious. He knew if Hermione knew what he was doing she would probably have an aneurysm, especially as she had absolutely forbidden him from going, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. He did feel a little guilty about not waking Ron up, but he wasn’t keen on dragging him into what was objectively a terrible idea. Besides, he’d told Malfoy to come alone so it was only fair of him to honour that too, and if Malfoy had brought any friends Harry could always just slip away in the cloak before he saw them.

It was an unreasonably cold night, even the paintings seemed to be dressed a little more warmly, and Harry prayed that he wouldn’t pass anyone as his breath was turning to steam in front of his eyes. By some miracle he didn’t, he could hear Peeves creating havoc in some faraway classroom and hoped that that was keeping any nearby teachers occupied. He hesitated a few metres away from the door to the bathroom, nibbling unconsciously on the inside of his cheek before steeling himself. _Grow some balls._

Taking one glance over his shoulder, he pulled the cloak tighter around his shoulders and pushed the door open slightly, peering inside. The tiled hallway which led to the bathroom was empty so Harry slipped through the door, pulling it closed behind him with a soft _click_. He padded carefully down the hallway, taking care to keep his footsteps light so that his tattered old trainers didn’t squeak on the grey tiles. The end of the hallway curved around a corner, with a storage cupboard on one side, and then opened up to the bathroom itself. Harry peeked around and caught sight of Malfoy’s shock of white-blond hair and black and green robes. As it was after-hours the only lights in the bathroom were low burning torches in the wall sockets that cast long shadows, giving the high-ceiling room a cave-like quality. In this light, the blond boy looked tiny and somehow even paler than usual, as if Harry could see right through him if he looked hard enough. He was standing in the middle of the bathroom, wand in one hand, nibbling anxiously on the thumbnail of the other. Harry could see a pair of checkered pyjama pants poking out from under his robes and for some reason, it relieved a bit of his anxiety and inexplicably he had to press his lips together to stop a nervous giggle escaping. Honestly, he was a bit impressed that he’d actually shown up. He considered for a moment leaving or hexing Malfoy while he was invisible, but his conscience got the better of him. As far as he could see Malfoy hadn’t brought any of his cronies with him unless Crabbe or Goyle were hiding in one of the cubicles waiting to jump out at Harry the moment he revealed himself.

He slipped off the invisibility cloak and shoved it into one of the maintenance closets. Steeling himself, he rolled his small shoulders back and tried to stand up as tall as possible. He gripped his wand in his pocket and then stepped into the bathroom. Malfoy wasn’t looking at him so he cleared his throat, causing the Slytherin to jump about a foot. 

“Bloody hell Potter, you shouldn’t sneak up on a person like that!” He spat, furious with embarrassment, pointing his wand directly at Harry’s face. The threat was slightly undermined by the fact that his wand hand was visibly shaking. He pulled it back to his side, gripping the hawthorn so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Harry swallowed and tried not to look too amused by Malfoy’s reaction, not wanting to escalate the situation any further. 

“I wasn’t trying to scare you.” He shrugged apologetically, even though he kind of had been.

“Right. Whatever.” Malfoy straightened his robes, lips pursed. There was a bit of awkward silence between them as they stood a few metres apart, staring at each other in the soft torchlight. 

“So...what do we do now?” Harry asked lamely, nibbling on his cheek again. 

Malfoy looked at him with a sneer, “Haven’t you ever been in a dual before Scarhead?”

“Well no, since you chickened out last year,” Harry couldn’t keep the annoyance out of his tone this time. “Why, have you been in a dual before?”

Malfoy scowled at him, “I didn’t…No, not as such.” He admitted through gritted teeth. Harry had to clear his throat again to hide the snort of laughter which bubbled up at that. “This isn’t a proper duel anyway, though I wouldn’t expect you to know since you’re practically an honorary Muggle.”

“I’d rather be an honorary Muggle than a slimy little git,” Harry was quite proud of himself for that one. “And I know how duels work, more or less.”

“No, you don’t,” Malfoy rolled his eyes. “Because if you did you’d know that they don’t take place in a bathroom.” 

Honestly, the whole situation was starting to feel slightly ridiculous, and more than a little embarrassing. It was clear that neither boy was willing to strike first and the longer they waited the more they both began to feel a bit silly, standing there in the bathroom.

“Look, if we’re not going to fight then I think I’ll go back to bed,” Harry said a bit desperately, turning to walk back towards the door. 

“Wait!” Malfoy cried out, a bit louder than necessary, and when Harry turned back to him he looked a little shocked that it had come out like that.

“What?” Harry was starting to get a bit annoyed by this whole thing, and his nose was getting awfully cold.

“I...you can’t just leave!” Again Malfoy didn’t look very convinced at his own words, and Harry raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Why not?”

Malfoy pulled his wand up again, hand still shaking but a bit less than before. “Because if you do, I’ll throw Creevey’s camera off the astronomy tower,” He hissed, clearly trying to be threatening.

 _This is a bit more like it_. Harry pulled out his own wand, and again they stood there staring at each other daring the other to cast the first spell. Suddenly Malfoy lunged forward, causing Harry to step on the back of his own robe and fall sharply on his bum. He tried to scoot back to get away but his back collided with the sinks and Malfoy advanced on him.

“Not so brave without your friends to back you up are you?” Malfoy laughed standing over him with his wand a few inches from Harry’s nose. 

Some strange confidence overtook Harry and he reached up and pulled Malfoy towards him. The boys wrestled on the tiles, wands abandoned in favour of fists. Malfoy got in a few good hits before Harry managed to get him in a headlock, but he made the mistake of relaxing for a second, during which Malfoy took the opportunity to slip free and scramble to his feet.

A noise from behind Malfoy’s shoulder made him swing around. Both boys held their breaths and stared at the entryway; it was the distinctive sound of Filch's shuffling footsteps. Malfoy looked back at Harry in panic, and without seeming to think, reached down and pulled him to his feet by his robes. The footsteps had suddenly stopped and Harry thought in horror he heard the sound of the door opening. Malfoy was still holding onto his robes and shoved him roughly into the cubicle right on the end. Harry blinked at him as he locked the door and climbed up on the toilet seat. 

_“Come on!”_ He hissed desperately, motioning wildly for Harry to climb up next to him. There were definitely footsteps coming down the corridor now and so he followed Draco’s instructions without argument. Luckily they were both small enough to fit on the seat but it was still a squeeze and Harry was forced to grip onto Malfoy’s shoulder to keep from falling backwards, as the Caretaker began to shuffle around the bathroom, muttering to himself.

Out of nowhere, there was an almighty **BANG** which caused Harry to jump so hard he nearly toppled off his perch on the toilet seat, as Filch kicked one of the cubicle doors open. Malfoy moved with lightning speed, wrapping an arm around Harry’s waist in a vice-like grip, and clamping his other hand over Harry’s mouth to muffle his squeak of surprise. 

All at once, they were incredibly close. Harry wondered if he had ever been this close to another boy, or girl for that matter. He had given Ron a hug on a few occasions but it was more of a slap on the back, they had certainly never held onto each other in this manner. He was very very aware of how close their faces were, noses almost touching. Malfoy’s hand on his mouth was hot and clammy and Harry pulled back a bit, shaking it off. Harry noticed that Malfoy’s hair wasn’t slicked back like it normally was, it was just damp, as though he had just washed it, and it hung more relaxed around his pointy face.

They continued to stare at one another half in shock, half in terror.

Filch was coming closer and closer to their cubicle and Harry took a deep breath, sure that at any minute he would be dragged out by the scruff of his neck.

In the torch-light, Malfoy’s normally icy grey eyes were softer and bluer, and Harry found himself transfixed by them as the footsteps stopped outside their cubicle door. And then something miraculous happened; Filch’s footsteps kept moving, and in fact, they started to get further away. 

Malfoy huffed out a tiny breath he had obviously been holding, and the motion drew Harry’s eyes to the other boy’s lips. Harry felt something flip in his stomach that he’d never experienced before, like a monarch butterfly fluttering its wings for the first time as it emerges from the chrysalis. The feeling made his head swim and his mouth dry, and he felt more than a little bit faint. His eyes flicked back to Malfoy’s and somehow he knew, he just knew, that Malfoy’s veins were thrumming with the same electricity. He tightened his grip on Malfoy’s robes.

Later Harry wouldn’t be able to remember who lent forward first, perhaps it was at the same time, but one minute they were staring into each other’s eyes and the next their lips had met in the middle. It was a small, chaste act but to the two small boys balanced precariously upon the toilet seat, it was the whole world. The bathroom and Hogwarts disappeared around them and Harry could swear he heard thunder and felt lightning. They clutched onto each other, Malfoy’s small, cold hand resting on Harry’s burning cheek, light and dark, like two halves of a whole. 

It couldn’t have lasted more than 10 seconds but Harry felt as though the world had shifted on its axis when he opened his eyes again. Everything was brighter, almost painfully saturated, as they pulled apart. It was as if every drop of blood in his body had rushed directly to his brain. Over the rushing sound in his ears, he heard Filch’s mutterings moving even further away down the corridor. His eyes met Malfoy’s again and they exchanged a look which sent thrills all the way down to his fingertips and toes.

They continued to clutch onto each other, holding their breaths, until they heard the door to the hallway click shut. The sound seemed to shake them both out of the trance they were in and Malfoy let go of Harry roughly, clambering down from the seat and almost going face-first onto the tiles in his haste. He hovered after unlocking the cubicle door, turning slightly to catch Harry’s gaze. Harry was sure that he looked like a startled pigeon, as he stood frozen in the spot Malfoy had left him, eyes and mouth gaping. Malfoy swallowed nervously and Harry realised that his hand was shaking again as he gripped into the open door. 

“I won’t tell anyone.” Harry managed to croak, hoping that it would relieve some of the tension in Malfoy’s shoulders. It seemed to have the opposite effect, however, as the blond boy’s face hardened and he narrowed those steely eyes. 

“There’s nothing to tell Potter.” He spat, turning sharply and striding out of Harry’s eyesight, leaving him still perched on the toilet, bewildered as to what had just occurred between them. 

It took him a good few minutes to pull himself together enough to climb down and walk out into the bathroom, by which time Malfoy was long gone. As he walked toward the door Harry caught sight of himself in one of the mirrors in the centre of the room. He moved closer to get a better look, almost not recognising himself at first. The boy looking back at him still had dodgy glasses, unruly hair, green eyes, and a scar, but Harry felt as though he was looking at a stranger. The last time he had looked in the mirror he had been brushing his teeth in the Gryffindor boys bathroom, getting ready to fight Malfoy. The last time he had looked in the mirror he hadn’t been kissed, and now he had, and by Malfoy of all people. 

It certainly wasn’t the experience he had pictured, though to be perfectly honest he hadn’t spent much time thinking about it. He suspected that was about to change, he couldn’t imagine thinking of anything but that kiss for the rest of his life. 

He made his way back to the Gryffindor tower so lost in thought that he was startled to find himself face to face with the Fat Lady’s portrait with no memory of how he got there. She gave him a disapproving look but let him in with a warning that he would catch his death of cold wandering around so late. 

He slipped into his bed as silently as possible, though the boys had become so used to Ron’s snoring that he needn’t have worried, he probably could have let off fireworks in the room and they wouldn’t have stirred. He lay there staring at the top of his bed, mulling over the night's events. 

So Malfoy had kissed him. Or had he kissed Malfoy? Harry’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember, it was just so fuzzy. He could definitely remember the other boy leaning forward, but he was almost certain he’d leant forward too. How inconvenient, it made the already confusing situation even more so because Harry couldn’t figure out whether he should feel embarrassed and worried or not. Regardless, he knew he wouldn’t tell anyone; for starters, it would just be too hard to explain to Ron or any of the other boys, and Hermione would probably just be mad at him for sneaking out in the first place. 

Then a horrible thought struck him, what if Malfoy told people Harry had kissed him? That would be awful, he would never hear the end of it from the Slytherins and it would be humiliating having the whole school think he had a thing for Malfoy. Which he didn’t. Right? That was a whole can of worms Harry wasn’t brave enough to open, did he like Malfoy? He was pretty certain he didn’t. He’d never really liked anyone before, other than an actress he’d seen on television at the Dursley’s on an odd occasion when he’d been allowed to watch. She had been fighting someone in some action movie and Harry had thought about how pretty she was for at least a few days afterwards. But he’d never liked an actual girl or a boy for that matter, and anyway, Malfoy was git of massive proportions, not to mention the fact that he was a boy. 

To be honest he hadn’t even really thought about that being an option before. Dudley and his friends used to enjoy calling him gay, but until he was about 10 he’d thought that just meant stupid. One day when he was at the supermarket with Aunt Petunia and they had seen two men kissing in the confectionery aisle.

“They’re bloody everywhere these days, it’s disgusting,” She'd muttered. When Harry had asked her who she was talking about she just sniffed, looking pointedly at the men down her long nose, and Harry had put two and two together. 

Harry was pretty sure he wasn’t one of those, although he hadn’t had any idea he was a wizard at that point so it was really hard to say for sure. He forced himself to think about kissing a boy, Ron for example. The thought made him wrinkle his nose, too weird, and he knew how much Ron burped so there was a very high possibility that kissing him would mean getting close to one of those which was highly unappealing. A girl then, Harry considered kissing Hermione. It was better, but not by much, he couldn’t help thinking about how she would tell him off if he tried to kiss her and it stressed him out more than anything. 

So maybe he didn’t like anyone then? But then his mind strayed back to the cubicle of the third-floor boys’ bathroom and his cheeks flushed, he had definitely liked that. He decided that he wasn’t going to be able to make any decisions about anything tonight, it would all depend upon how he felt when he saw Malfoy again. 

And then he remembered that he hadn’t even got Colin’s camera back. Swearing under his breath, he rolled over and, after about 15 minutes of tossing and turning, managed to fall into a restless sleep.

\-----

Harry awoke from a dream about soft blond hair and cold hands with a start, to Ron’s freckled face staring down at his. 

“So did you do it? Did you get Malfoy?” Ron seemed unfazed by Harry’s startled expression.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked, feeling around on the bedside for his glasses. 

“Last night! I got up to get some water and your bed was empty so I figured you’d taken him up on his offer!” Ron bounced from foot to foot impatiently. Now he had his glasses on, Harry could see that his red hair was sticking up in all directions so he must have only just woken up.

“Oh...erm...yeah I did go but we heard Filch coming so we didn’t get to have a proper fight,” It wasn’t _technically_ a lie and so Harry felt a little bit less guilty, despite Ron’s crestfallen expression. 

“I was hoping you were going to say you hexed the git,” Ron grumbled. “Although it’s probably good you didn’t or you might’ve been banned from playing today!” His face brightened at this, and he gave Harry a hearty slap on the shoulder.

Harry’s heart sank, _the Quidditch game._ He would have to see Malfoy because they were playing Slytherin and, _Oh god,_ Malfoy was the seeker. 

He pulled his covers back up over his head miserably and groaned. Luckily Ron seemed to take his groan for nerves because he patted Harry’s foot awkwardly.

“Don’t worry mate, you’ll be great. Bloody Malfoy doesn’t stand a chance.” Harry pulled the covers down and smiled at him weakly. 

As Ron went to brush his teeth, Harry lay in bed and stared out the window. It felt as though the weight of everything was pushing him into his mattress, and the memories from the night before were flowing back slowly, filling him with an ever-increasing sense of dread. Malfoy and the Quidditch game were stressful enough but Harry couldn’t help but think that the whole heir of Slytherin business was bound to get more complicated. This year was turning out to be almost as bad as last.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments! So if you've made it all the way here please feel free to leave your thoughts <3


End file.
